The year after I graduated from high school, I baptized one of my best friends. She and I became good friends after I got back from a semester abroad in Venezuela and I invited her to some church things. After the first caravan huddle (a sort of weekend youth retreat), she was hooked and came to church almost every Sunday, senior high camp, reunion, and Spec. It was beautiful how fully she became part of the loving community I had always known. She asked me to be the one who baptized her and I felt deeply honored.

It happened under the cool shade of Myrtle trees, at the bottom of a green valley in a small creek at Camp Remote. We both felt so happy as we stepped into the water. I felt a little nervous because I had never done anything like that before. She came up grinning and we walked out of the water hand in hand. As we stepped onto the bank, the first thing said to me was, “You did it wrong. You didn’t lift up your hand when you were saying the words.” I experienced a moment of panic because I knew it was true but there was nothing I could do about it. I was embarrassed that I had done it wrong.

The comment repeated in my mind for several months afterwards. I was bothered but didn’t know why. Then I realized it was because that woman was so caught up a ritual being preformed a certain way--she became blind. She didn’t see the beauty of the moment, the sincere desire in my friend’s heart to become part of the community or the joy that emanated from both of us. The procedure took precedence over all else. This is sad to me.

I’m tired of fill-in-the-blank services. The “hymn sandwich” (i.e. hymn, prayer, hymn, scripture, hymn, sermon, etc) isn’t working for me. Problematically, I don’t know what does work for me.

I also understand that not everybody is me. People experience life in different ways so if the hymn sandwich works for everybody else, okay. I respect that but in an effort to be true to myself, I know that I need something different.

When I go to church it’s for the community and my two favorite parts are harmonizing with the hymns and after the service is over when everyone talks for ages. I think that’s why I like church here in Ukraine. We sit around in a circle, sing and talk about life and God.