Shopping Trip

I went shopping a week ago. It was the first time in a year (other than two items I bought last summer in Ukraine and the suits I had to buy for my interviews in February). I got home and tried the clothes all on for Zach. When I was thinking about it later, I felt silly. Like some kind of paper-doll with interchangeable outfits. Does it really matter what you zip your body into? What type and color of fabric drapes off of your waist? How many buttons? How shiny? What brand is showing? Gosh! The clothes "made me feel pretty". Why do I need clothes to make me feel that way?

I'm reading this book called "Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness" by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana. It talks about lower and higher levels of happiness, which is a concept I wasn't previously familiar with. The author explains that indulging the senses (by eating something tasty, possessing new clothes or a nice car, seeing something beautiful) is called the "happiness of favorable conditions" and thus is only temporary and fleeting. You love your new dress until you spill spaghetti on it or you gain a few pounds and it "makes you look fat". Or you enjoy the view from this hillside on a sunny day until it starts to pour rain and a grizzly bear comes running at you from the forest. Or you enjoy that piece of cake or case of beer until it makes you feel guilty or sick afterward. 

There are happinesses beyond just indulging your physical senses. I really like this idea. It makes me conscious and mindful of the fact that I should pursue things that will bring a deeper level of happiness to my life; a happiness that is more sustainable. 

According to this book, one higher source of happiness is the "happiness of renunciation" which is the happiness that comes from letting go of your perceived ownership of things. Generosity is a powerful example of this. When we share generously what we have, we feel happy. Letting go brings a sense of pleasure and relief. 

I have a perfect example of this. The other night I was hosting at the restaurant. One of the large tables shorted the server thirty dollars so she just bit the bullet and made up the difference with her tips. As a host, I'm supposed to get "tipped out" from the servers and I make 3% of whatever food they sold that night. She tried to hand me the twenty bucks that she owed me but I refused and told her that she was a good person and deserved to be treated like one (which is not the way that table treated her). She cried right there on the spot. 

That twenty dollars filled my heart with way more happiness giving it away than keeping it for myself. I wouldn't have any significant memory of where I spent that $20 if I had taken it home but instead, I now have a beautiful feeling and memory to reflect on. That memory will also encourage my practice of generosity for future times in my life.

The next part of the book lists a few more higher happinesses. "Higher than the relinquishment of material things is the "happiness of letting go of psychic irritants." This kind of happiness arises naturally when we work with the mind to quickly let go of anger, desire, attachment, jealousy, pride, confusion, and other mental irritations every time they occur." I definitely need to work hard on this one. Mastering your own emotions is one of the most difficult tasks a person can take on.

Ultimately, the highest form of happiness is the bliss the comes from reaching enlightenment. In all honesty, I'm not ready to make an attempt at this. I'm too attached to Zach, to our dreams and plans together, to the happiness that I get from being a great lover to friends and family, to being generous, to people, ice cream, you know, life stuff. What I love about the way this book is explaining Buddhism is that it's a choice. It's totally fine to seek whatever level of happiness you're ready to. The author, Mr. Gunaratana states, "For those of us who cannot see beyond the happiness based on worldly pleasures, (Buddha) offered sage advice for avoiding worldly troubles and for finding optimal worldly happiness, for example, by cultivating qualities leading to material success or a satisfying family life...whichever kind of happiness we are seeking, we can make use of the steps of the Eightfold Path." 

Reading Buddhist books feels so peaceful and right with my soul. It's not being shoved down my throat. I'm not required to do all these things or believe all these other things. I get to figure out what fits with my life and my truth. I've felt so anti-religion the last few years, having been locked in a tiny box for years, it's nice to be free. 

Maybe in a few years I'll be at a point where I want to pursue enlightenment, or maybe I'll be Hindu by then, or a Scientologist (not likely)! My spirituality is free to develop in all the most beautiful and wonderful ways. What a great feeling...