the book I'm reading

It's my second attempt at reading this book. I've actually made it past the fifth chapter this time. My first try took two months, three different renewals at the library, and sadly ended just before chapter six. I finally bought it online. 

There are many reasons for me to read this book. I read and loved the other two books the author has written, it's extremely well-written and interesting, it holds information that will seriously influence my lifelong values, and it's about things that are important to me and the world we live in. 

There is really only one reason why I struggled to get through it the first time: I suffer when I read it. 

When I sit down with this book, many times I end up in tears. If not tears, then at least slightly depressed and in a funky mood. Several times Zach has said, "You've been reading that book again, haven't you?" Am I really that transparent? My feelings usually do scrawl in bold letters across my face. 

I remember doing research for an English paper my freshman year of college. I chose the topic of poverty in Haiti and since I didn't own a computer, I sat downstairs in the library with tears streaming down my face for several hours. The things I learned about the conditions in Haiti felt like a stabbing pain. I sat shocked and appalled by how oblivious I'd been my whole life. My mind suddenly filled with terribly sad things that I couldn't un-know and it wrenched, twisted, and tore my heart. But I didn't want to un-know them. I didn't want to hide from the injustices and tragedies of the world. I didn't want to pretend that they didn't happen or pretend my perfect American world was all there was or all that mattered. I wanted to know the truth. I let myself feel deeply the pain of others and I used that pain to motivate me to take action to help them.

This is the way I feel about this book. It's not about poverty or Haiti but it's about something important. I've re-read the first five chapters and the only reason I'm making it through this time is because I keep thinking about blogging about it. Instead of reading these sad, horrifying things and feeling helpless to do anything about them, I feel like I can share what I now know (and can't un-know) with you and maybe it will do some good. 

Unfortunately I don't have the time or energy right now to actually tell you what I want to tell you. This is not an attempt to be dramatic or to leave you purposely at a cliff-hanger, it's more motivation for myself to finally write it. In February and March, when I first tried to read this book, I thought about sharing what I was reading with you several times but conveniently never got around to it. Now, I can't back down. Please be patient and wait for me to find a way to share with you these very important things. It will be within the next few days, I promise.