Beautiful Ukrainian Babe

I met this little boy over the summer.

His mother is a stripper.

I can't even imagine all the ways our lives will be different 

but despite these differences,

I hope most days...

he chooses to love.

 

we are all influenced...

Today I feel aware of the power external influences have on a person. Recently, I helped my younger brother with a paper for school and it spurred a discussion about how much of an influence community/family/all-people-in-general have on a person. I said, “What if I had been raised by wolves in a forest somewhere? Would I still have the same personality characteristics? Would I still have the same opinions? Would I even be similar to who I am now? What if I was born in India? South Africa? Ukraine? As an only child? A princess? An orphan? Who would I be? What makes me who I am?”

I don’t know that I have a direct answer to those questions but in my opinion, it is impossible for us to define ourselves without others having an inherent part of our definition. There are thousands of invisible people who influence every moment of our lives, from conception to death. Most things you have ever owned, wore, drove, or ate were designed, sewn, produced, or grown by someone else. Who you are and the way you live your life would be impossible without others.

The amount of influences beyond our control is innumerable, but there are also many that we choose. I would extend the common phrase, “You are what you eat.” To something like,  “You are what you read, wear, discuss, watch, care about, etc.” My father chooses Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and Going Rogue by Sarah Palin. I choose CNN, Michael Moore, and Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. What exactly influences those choices? I could never list them all but I know it’s not a conscious effort to oppose my dad; it just feels like who I am.

I read books about all the cruel ways animals are treated and as a result, I’m a vegetarian. I have many friends who are openly gay and lesbian (as well as a few who are scared to publicly share that fact) and I speak frankly about the injustices done to them. I am part of a Buddhist sitting group, a Jewish Community Center and a Community of Christ church here in Buffalo and participate in all without conflict.

I went out of my way to attain the influence of some of these things (like the books I chose to read) and others kind of plopped into my lap but now, there’s no way to “un-do” the influence they’ve had on me and I like it that way. I believe my dad would say the same about his good friends, Rush and Sarah, and that’s okay by me. 

Progressive Painting!!

This is the beginning of something wonderful.

Can't you tell?

I started it a few months ago...

and maybe someday I'll finish it :)

a looong day

I ran seven consecutive miles yesterday! Believe it or not, I felt perfectly fine afterwards. I think it felt easier than expected because of those darn racquetball courts in the basement of our gym. Daily one-hour sessions of racquetball with Zach and three mile runs afterward definitely have worn me out but built up my endurance for a longer run.

Two hours after my run, I worked for 1 hour at the flower shop, then 8 hours at the restaurant (my first time as a hostess!), slept 5 hours and woke up at 5:30am to work my first 8 hours as hotel desk clerk. WOW! I have worked 16 of the last 24 hours, which is more than I worked the entire month of January. Don’t even begin to think I’m complaining because I loved it!

At Merge (the restaurant) there is energy, fun, and always something to do. At the hotel, there’s a group of really good people who work together and I can tell I fit. For me, having a close community is key and two jobs plug me into two great ones. I do realize it was only my first day at both places so…we’ll see how it goes.

On a different note, have you ever considered how you convey your life stories? What words do you choose? What character do you make yourself? I think the way you tell them says a lot about how you want people to see you… I mean, take this post: do I want you to think I’m super woman? Other things I’ve posted are wise and inspirational, Dalai Lama-like writings. Still others make me into a comedian!

Have I ever made myself the villain? Have I ever shared a flaw without smoothing over it with ten other talents afterward?

With this infernal internal drive to paint myself in all pretty colors, will anyone ever really see me?

Does anyone ever really see you?