Here's the plan!

That's it! I'm not afraid of you anymore. I'm not afraid of your scoffing or your doubtful looks. Your gossipy whisperings or internal disbelief. Zach and I have a plan for our lives and no matter how impossible it seems, it's what we're putting 100% of ourselves into.

I think I've been a little nervous about sharing the whole thing because sometimes the implausibility of it likes to poke me in the eye when I'm not looking. And every time I hear that twinge of doubt in your voice, that little bugger gets in another jab.

It's a bit of an involved plan, which I'm sure will be modified thousands of times, but here's the general idea:

Step One: I have a blast being a Hall Director at Truman State University and support Zach while he completes a nursing degree.

Step Two: I get a job as a Hall Director somewhere that has a Spanish Masters program and hopefully a Public Administration (with an emphasis in international/non-profit management) Masters program. Zach gets a job in the same city and starts knocking out large chunks of our college debt. We also begin doing feasibility studies for a coffee shop/restaurant.

Step Three: I become a Spanish professor, Zach continues working as a Nurse, and we start our coffee shop. We want the business to eventually be what will fund a school/clinic in Central America that we will begin and run. So at the coffee shop, we'll sell fair trade items from the country the school will be in. We'll have it posted that all profits are to support a school/clinic. etc. Hopefully we will be at the stage where we are doing site visits in other countries, trying to find a place that has great need. We want to modify the school/clinic idea to fit the place, once we find it. 

Step Four: All personal debt will be paid off, the business will be self-sustaining (hopefully with great managers like Zach's parents or someone we can trust to run it) while we begin making large progress towards starting the school.

Step Five: We move permanently. Start the school/clinic. Set up with doctors/dentists/nurses to create a sustainable system. Create quality housing and education for students. Hopefully we will be funded completely through the coffee shop/restaurant.

So...that's it and don't you judge me! I am a self-professed dreamer of extremely large dreams. I know it's a lot and it's a long way off but...we made this plan in January and we're on our way already!

Zach and I both put in over 150 hours preparing for the OPE job fair. We looked into every single one of +250 jobs/schools posted. I revised my resume and cover letter, spoke with professionals in the field, narrowed it down to my top 9 picks, called and emailed with those schools, and landed interviews with all of them. After that it came down to two on-campus interviews and I got the job at my top pick school. Who does that!??!??!!!

I think the sense of accomplishment was so great because we put in such a huge effort. It didn't just land in our laps. We worked really hard for that position at Truman. The experience has left me feeling like Zach and I can do anything if we put our full effort towards attaining it.

Below is a link to just one of the articles I've read as I've researched the problems of street children in Central America. It reports about a proposal to "ban street children" in Mexico City. There are over 100,000 children in Mexico City alone who are either homeless or supplementing income for their families by working on the streets as vendors.

Zach and I don't currently have the skill set to do anything effective to help these children but they are our focus. For the next few years, we will be doing everything we can to gain skills, connections, ideas, funds, and support to help them. I know our school/clinic idea is rudimentary but it's the seed we are planting. I have no doubt it will grow/develop into something wonderful.

http://www.latinamericanpost.com/index.php?mod=seccion&secc=5&conn=5562

Here's a link to something similar to what we are picturing (except it's in India):

http://www.hulu.com/watch/109174/explore-ramanas-garden

So...we're different.

I've noticed a slow, evolutionary alignment of my lifestyle and my values. I didn't sit down one day and decide to make what I do match what I believe, but it's sort of happening slowly, almost without me noticing.

I did suddenly become aware of the change when I was trying to explain something about my life to someone at Truman. I thought to myself, "Gosh, this is kinda making me sound like a weirdo." I wanted that person to understand who I am but not feel threatened by our differences. Sometimes that's hard because some of the difficult questions I ask myself, aren't ones that other people want to ask themselves.

One thing I can't even express how deeply I appreciate about Zach is that our values, desires, and dreams match. I'm not the only odd one who thinks living out of a car would be awesome. Or who thinks drinking is a waste of time because it costs too much and makes you feel like crap. Or who thinks weddings are large, unnecessary amounts of hassle.

I'm not trying to paint us as saints because we definitely aren't. I mean, if the booze is free, I have no problem having a few (but I have to stop after two or I'll feel awful the next day). And the truth is, I would rather spend ten bucks buying a pack of Pokemon cards for my little sister, than buying a cocktail. I try to measure how much goodness/joy/love I can milk out of that ten dollars (or ten minutes) and then I pick the larger glass.

So I'm an idealist. The last few paragraphs are the way I live my life when I'm at the top of my game. There are days when, of course, I only feel like laying on the couch for ten minutes and not saving the world. And that's okay. Everybody is doing the best that they can at any given moment. It's important to be gracious with yourself and others.

I want to mention the ring I wear on my left ring finger. Usually a person's wedding ring goes there but for me, it's an old ring I bought at a flea market in South Texas while I was doing an internship with a non-profit organization. I got it because it has the Star of David on it, which is the symbol of the house I was a part of at Graceland. I don't care if people think I'm Jewish. I don't care that it doesn't have a giant blingin' rock on it (in fact, thank goodness it doesn't because I would never want to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on something that would just sit on my finger and not do anything good for the world!). I don't care that it's made from cheap metal and looks like a circle drawn by one of my kindergarten students last fall. I only wear it because it makes me happy. Some days I forget to put it on and that's fine. Zach doesn't even have a ring and that doesn't matter to either of us. No piece of metal or piece of paper legally binding us would make us feel any differently about each other.

Now, before I risk offending every person on the planet, I bid you all adieu.

What about the baby?

She comes in several days a week, sits at the bar, sometimes eats, but always drinks a large glass of red wine. Even though I brush past her with plates of food for tables all night when I’m serving, I’ve never spoken to her. All of our bartenders will serve her except for one and that is because she is about 7 or 8 months pregnant.

The things I know about her are very limited. She: used to work at the restaurant, accidentally got pregnant, decided to give it up for adoption, and apparently, doesn’t mind risking the physical and mental health of that baby by continually drinking during her pregnancy. That is honestly everything I know about her. I will admit I don’t know her at all but sometimes I feel very angry with her.

Something I’m proud of is the fact that I take the time to be self-aware. When I feel angry or sad, I try to evaluate the root of that feeling because it provides a better context for understanding situations. For example: I work with a girl who doesn’t split tables evenly and always ends up taking more than me. Not that big of a deal, I thought it might be accidental but then sometimes I also host, and she does this to other servers as well. Even taking tables that I’ve given to someone else!

Quite simply, my reaction was anger about this. But, upon self-evaluation it’s not because she makes more money than I do when we serve together but the root of my anger is the injustice of it. I like things to be fair. When I serve with her I talk myself out of anger saying, “If she asked for it, I would give her the twenty bucks more she’ll make tonight, so there’s no reason to be angry.” But with other people, I know they need the money just as much as her, so it bothers me more.

I recognize that when an unjust act occurs, irritated anger bubbles up within me and that is what happens when I see that pregnant woman who likes to drink at our bar. I’ve done research and most studies say that heavy drinking while pregnant is extremely dangerous for the baby but there have been almost no studies done on moderate drinking. According to the March of Dimes website,

“When a pregnant woman drinks, alcohol passes through the placenta to her fetus. In the fetus’s immature body, alcohol is broken down much more slowly than in an adult's body. As a result, the alcohol level of the baby's blood can be higher and remain elevated longer than the level in the mother's blood. This sometimes causes the baby to suffer lifelong damage.”

I’ve read pages of research on innumerable websites, heard a large amount of opinions on both sides, and learned a lot more than I knew about this issue before. It’s none of my business and I want to let it go but I can’t. I’m too selfish. I keep seeing her and feeling this bubbling anger and I want it to go away! I guess I’ve done all this research so I could convince myself that my anger is unreasonable and I should get over it. There are conclusive studies this woman must have found that say that moderate drinking is completely safe for the baby, right? She’s not risking it’s entire life on her own lack of self-control or care, is she?

Unfortunately, the research isn’t solid. There’s no way to know how badly the alcohol will affect the baby and to me, that is risking too much. If you decide to carry the baby that should include making healthy choices so it has a chance at a good life!

I feel like I only have two options: anger or apathy. Too bad the apathetic shoe has never fit my foot very well. Actually, I think I will add a third option and choose that: hope. The fate of the child whose mother sits at our bar several times a week is not within my control but I can be hopeful that it’s mother’s actions don’t affect it negatively. No matter how I choose to feel (angry, hopeful, sad etc), it won’t have any effect on this baby; the effect will be on me and hope is a lot easier on the insides.

For some reason I just let out an enormous sigh. There are so many sad things in the world that I let myself be deeply affected by. I feel like I've picked another one to add to my list of personal concerns.

Happiness

This photo might explain how happiness is for us...
except that Zach is faking and I'm really about to pee my pants with laughter.