My two best friends.

Zach and delicious, mostly-sugar-and-milk coffee drinks.

I'm a workin' girl

I had thought nights only getting 3 hours of sleep were over when I graduated from university last May but, tragically, I thought wrong. I suppose with two full-time jobs, a person can’t expect to get that much sleep.

Honestly, it feels good to work. The angst I experienced last fall (with way too much time and not enough meaningful, challenging, engaging, or exciting things to fill up my days with) has vanished. I recognize the difference in the quality of my life: when I have short and long term goals and when I don’t.  It’s amazing how much happier I feel working with intention and destination in mind; much like the difference between riding 30 miles on the open road or the same distance on a stationary bike. There’s just something exhilarating about physically moving closer to a place I want to be.

I just recently noticed when I make conversation with the guests whom I drive to the airport in the shuttle bus, I like to tell them very specific things about myself. I usually make it clear that I’m working my jobs temporarily, that I have other plans for the fall like working as a hall director, that I’ve been to a job fair, I want to go to grad school for Spanish, and eventually become a Spanish professor. As if I couldn’t stand the thought that they might think I’m pedaling this hard on a stationary bike not going anywhere.

I felt embarrassed when I realized this. I felt like a snooty, fancy pants who doesn’t think the jobs of a waitress or a hotel receptionist are…dare I say, good enough for me? Who do I think I am?!?!!

Upon examination, I have realized the truth: I have different plans for my life.

My life isn’t about trading my energy, talents, time, and resources for money. I could care less about the money. I want to use myself to produce some serious good in this world. I want to do something I feel passionate about and that will positively impact others.

Neither of the jobs I hold now fit the criteria so I know I’m not there yet but I feel like I will be soon. Now that I’ve hopped on my Extreme Mountain Bike 720X, I’m happily enjoying the passing scenery as I wipe the sweat out of my eyes. It feels so good to be going somewhere.

Beautiful Ukrainian Babe

I met this little boy over the summer.

His mother is a stripper.

I can't even imagine all the ways our lives will be different 

but despite these differences,

I hope most days...

he chooses to love.

 

we are all influenced...

Today I feel aware of the power external influences have on a person. Recently, I helped my younger brother with a paper for school and it spurred a discussion about how much of an influence community/family/all-people-in-general have on a person. I said, “What if I had been raised by wolves in a forest somewhere? Would I still have the same personality characteristics? Would I still have the same opinions? Would I even be similar to who I am now? What if I was born in India? South Africa? Ukraine? As an only child? A princess? An orphan? Who would I be? What makes me who I am?”

I don’t know that I have a direct answer to those questions but in my opinion, it is impossible for us to define ourselves without others having an inherent part of our definition. There are thousands of invisible people who influence every moment of our lives, from conception to death. Most things you have ever owned, wore, drove, or ate were designed, sewn, produced, or grown by someone else. Who you are and the way you live your life would be impossible without others.

The amount of influences beyond our control is innumerable, but there are also many that we choose. I would extend the common phrase, “You are what you eat.” To something like,  “You are what you read, wear, discuss, watch, care about, etc.” My father chooses Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and Going Rogue by Sarah Palin. I choose CNN, Michael Moore, and Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. What exactly influences those choices? I could never list them all but I know it’s not a conscious effort to oppose my dad; it just feels like who I am.

I read books about all the cruel ways animals are treated and as a result, I’m a vegetarian. I have many friends who are openly gay and lesbian (as well as a few who are scared to publicly share that fact) and I speak frankly about the injustices done to them. I am part of a Buddhist sitting group, a Jewish Community Center and a Community of Christ church here in Buffalo and participate in all without conflict.

I went out of my way to attain the influence of some of these things (like the books I chose to read) and others kind of plopped into my lap but now, there’s no way to “un-do” the influence they’ve had on me and I like it that way. I believe my dad would say the same about his good friends, Rush and Sarah, and that’s okay by me.