a day like today

Even though there are:

379 emails in my inbox

11 half done to-do lists laying around my office, spare bedroom, and kitchen

and at least 3 people waiting for me to return calls to them

I used this evening to relax.

I played some board games.

I took some photos that are pee-your-pants funny.

I got my first tennis lesson.

I fessed up to an April Fools Day prank.

and I ate a brownie.

Sometimes a person needs a day like today.

on-duty

Last week I was "on-duty". This meant that anytime between 5pm and 8am, Monday through Friday, I was the person to call for any emergency in the six residence halls on-campus. Small things like a student locked out can be handled in the building by student staff. I only get called for the big stuff. Every night I got between one and three calls. Thursday I received seven.

The night didn't start out too bad, only a few fire alarms, but then came a call about a possible suicidal resident. After a serious heart-to-heart conversation and some consultation, everything was well again in the universe, which meant that immediately my phone rang. The next call I received was about some students who had been in a car accident (two of which were in the hospital). I took a trip to the hospital and confirmed that the students were in fact alright. I spoke with the families and other concerned residents for a while and just as I was leaving the waiting room, I got a call about a hallway smelling of marijuana.

When I got back to campus I headed to the troubled building. An hour and a half later, the situation was handled, the police had left, and I was just finishing up a conversation with the student staff when yet another call came through. This time a night monitor hadn't shown up. I made the trek across campus to call down the list of workers to find one to work that building's front desk from 3am to 6am. Maybe not the best shift ever invented, but thankfully someone was willing.

I rolled back into my office at 3:45am and began to write my reports about the evening. I finished at 6:15am and was passed out by 6:30am. Needless to say I sent an email to my boss requesting the next morning off.

Four hours later my boss came over to inform me of a motorcycle accident in which one of my colleagues was killed.

On Sunday a student died in a different car accident.

Today I feel...

disconnected

shocked

heavy

Today I sway between sad, happy, and melancholy

like some kind of strange disjointed dance

I take my place but don't know my part

I sway

I swing

When can I rest?

inspiration

Nothing I could say would introduce this woman properly...
her words inspire me
her name is Suheir Hammad

Hear her speak:
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/suheir_hammad_poems_of_war_peace_women_power.html

some days...

I waste my minutes sometimes
on anger and sadness
on old hurts and things of no consequence
on other peoples imperfections

I make pets of petty offenses
that irritate my sense of justice.
I stroke their coats until they shine.
I feed them premium pet food.
I buy them cute sweaters and play toys.

My microscope gets a lot of use.
Any fault in character or deed
fills my lens to extreme proportions
but becomes unidentifiable when compared with the original object.

I use my focus to distort
I look closely at only the parts that justify my feelings and opinions
I see only what I want to see

My world shrinks infinitely
when I allow my attention
to be trained on
the empty glass.

some days
I see
that all my bad
would be better than someone else's good

some days
I see
and some days I don't